tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post1187812913815687952..comments2023-04-04T07:45:48.464-04:00Comments on Childfree Christian: I’m Going to Be an Aunt… and I’m Not HappyI.am.freehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-74977294691348975412017-07-29T21:00:54.902-04:002017-07-29T21:00:54.902-04:00I see this post is several years old... but I just...I see this post is several years old... but I just discovered it. I'm struggling with this exact situation. My husband and I are child free by choice, and deep down we always knew his brother and wife would have children. That still didn't prepare us any better when we found out an hour ago that they are expecting. I am on the verge of tears for many reasons, and I am afraid to talk to anyone because it will sound so selfish. First, my parents will be upset because they will be jealous - jealous that my in-laws will be grandparents, and my parents still aren't. I am not looking forward to all the negativity that will come from my family. Second, I am close to my mother-in-law, but now she will be preoccupied with the new baby, and she will always want to show pictures and talk about it. I am afraid of everything changing, all the wonderful holidays and family trips we took with them being different or not happening anymore. It hurts to close such a wonderful chapter of our lives. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027980194181724981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-79324043350485370512013-09-25T09:02:08.735-04:002013-09-25T09:02:08.735-04:00Thank you so much for your feedback. I am pleased...Thank you so much for your feedback. I am pleased to report that my brother and sister-in-law have remained pretty cool people and have been extremely respectful of my general feelings toward small children (e.g., not constantly shoving baby pictures in my face, haha!).<br /><br />I wish you the best on your childfree journey!I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-61981512257649206042013-09-24T23:43:40.016-04:002013-09-24T23:43:40.016-04:00I recently went through a similar situation with m...I recently went through a similar situation with my sister in law. My brother and I were never close so it was a surprise that when the baby came my brother became better. More nurturing and considerate. I was shocked at his behavior but sourly disappointed at my sister in law's. We were very close from the moment we met. I loved her and viewed her as a role model or my own big sister (I've never had any). I lost the intimacy we had once their son was born. And I mourned. I gave them space. I let the friendship go for a while so they could focus on figuring out their new family dynamic. The way I kept sane and free from resentment was to view this new baby as a person, not a child. I don't know if that makes sense, but I chose to view him as a fascinating person (imagining what he would be like in 20+ years) who I was interested in seeing how he develops into who he already is. Yes, he is still a child (2 years old now) and he has all of the messiness and complications of being a child which I find overwhelming, but he is still someone I'm going to love. The way that my relationship with my sister in law has healed was for me to start focusing on how I could uplift and encourage her in who she was as a person not just a mother. I also had to realize that being a mother was the one thing she was most insecure about and encouraging her in that was essential even if it was annoying or painful at times. Over the last 2 plus years, I've found that even though we are not as close and our relationship is different, she still values me as a person whom she can let loose and be herself around even if it is not as frequent as it used to be. In this society where motherhood is prioritized over the child free, I find it my own personal goal to reinforce to mothers' that they are good enough, they have value, they are worth it, just in themselves. A message I think all women (mothers and the child free need to hear, daily). <br /><br />When I see people post pictures of their impending pregnancy or new babies or even older children, what I see is their fear, excitement, and pride, and a cry for support and love. Those that seek the most attention are those that need it the most. You don't have to be happy for them but you are called to love them if you want to keep them in your life. <br /><br />This comment might be irrelevant now that it is 2 years outdated but I've just discovered your site. My husband and I are a year into deciding to to be child free. I was openly indifferent but inwardly dreading having children. Your site is a huge encouragement. Thank you! I'm discovering that my resentment comes from not having the support or attention that mother's (especially new mothers) get when they announce that they are expecting. No one has told me "YAY! Congratulations on deciding not to have children! We are so excited for you! Please post a picture every day so we can comment and tell you how cute and glowing you look because your tummy is remaining so flat!" I'm a sucker for words of affirmation. Hope your relationships with your brother and sister in law is healing or has healed since then! Just remember that God uses all things to bring us closer to him (even if it is in ways we don't like). Thank you again for your voice and boldness on these Childfree matters. Rachel Thompsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08319869502471370292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-47002819303304176562013-05-15T07:53:22.750-04:002013-05-15T07:53:22.750-04:00To me it sounds more as what really upset you most...To me it sounds more as what really upset you most during this time was your feeling about being a disappointment for your parents, as well as fearing a loss of a good relationship with your brother. I think this is a commun feeling for many of us, though in different levels. <br /><br />More the need of feeling accepted and appreciated by our parents, if we ever have felt any form of guilt because of not becoming the way they would have liked us to being. I think most of us might long for our parents approval as well as them feeling proud about us, in some way or the other. Deep down inside, I do think most of us wants this. <br /><br />Although we also need to reminding ourselves that it is how God thinks and what He wants for us that is the most important. That He created you different than how your parents expected or wanted you to become like, should be what should matter the most. <br /><br />I beleive God puts some persons in some families who are not supposed being everything the family had in mind. These ones will become more the contrary as well as doing or thinking things differently. Being different is never an easy path, but doing God's will and going on the path He has for us, this is much more important than having a easy and comfortable life. There is a reason for why God made you the way you are, embrace it with thankfulness. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01023339851205563299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-63528494692658902482011-09-04T09:39:20.983-04:002011-09-04T09:39:20.983-04:00green_eyed_leopards, I truly envy people like you ...green_eyed_leopards, I truly envy people like you who can happily share in that experience with others. Life would be much easier if I were 'normal,' for lack of a better word.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-52575475973650510652011-09-04T00:36:10.106-04:002011-09-04T00:36:10.106-04:00I am child free by choice and I Don't get what...I am child free by choice and I Don't get what is so upsetting about someone having a child. I guess I get excited for other people's joy! My friends have changed but I think that is more growing up then having kids and deep down our old selves are still there. I even changed over the years and it has nothing to do with who had kids and who didn't.green_eyed_elfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15883755985547011430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-62817702614015059582011-08-17T06:40:54.784-04:002011-08-17T06:40:54.784-04:00falfie and autumnal, thank you for your comments. ...falfie and autumnal, thank you for your comments. It helps to know that I'm not alone.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-62323345277842613312011-08-16T21:42:31.096-04:002011-08-16T21:42:31.096-04:00Oh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!...Oh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! I began dealing with something similar a little over a year ago, when my only brother was the first (and only one) to give our parents a child.<br /><br />Now, while I do have friends that have had children and haven't morphed into people I can no longer stand... I have hit one thing you're talking about.<br /><br />My brother, who originally didn't want children, and his spouse have become granola parents. They also seem to think my niece is the smartest kid in the world, and my sister in law spends quite a lot of time playing facebook games. :/<br /><br />Both my brother and his spouse have done some morphing into self-righteous parents. And their marriage has already been suffering since the pregnancy was announced.<br /><br />I'm so sorry for your loss! Maybe, just maybe, you'll be surprised. I pray so, for the sake of your relationship with your family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-78070944322865009362011-08-08T16:26:44.023-04:002011-08-08T16:26:44.023-04:00I am living this right now. While I don't hav...I am living this right now. While I don't have any siblings that I am close to, my husband is best friends with his brother. He and his wife had a baby about a year and a half ago and the entire family has been obsessed with them ever since. They are now pregnant with their second. It has been really hard for my husband to feel such a disconnection from his brother. Every time they talk on the phone it's always about the baby, and we get CONSTANT pictoral and video updates. It's SO annoying! At least we find it comforting to complain to each other about how baby-obsessed the family is, but I know it doesn't alleviate the pain he feels at loosing his brother to a baby. I hope your family will be more balanced than my in-laws are!falfiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04846911847117204390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-45952876479583525302011-08-08T10:37:19.359-04:002011-08-08T10:37:19.359-04:00Thanks, Alex. It is definitely a consolation to s...Thanks, Alex. It <i>is</i> definitely a consolation to support and be supported by the childfree community online.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-30569820221032729352011-08-07T12:51:16.663-04:002011-08-07T12:51:16.663-04:00I am very sorry for your loss. I have a sib, too,...I am very sorry for your loss. I have a sib, too, who I feel could do so much more with his life. However, I think I have it easier because he has been bitten by 'baby rabies' for a long time now and has never given me the hope that he will pursue his full potential and give up that false siren of parenthood. So, I have been given time to prepare for the eventual loss that will come. <br /><br />One thing I can say is that you have a community of support, who you have given so much support to here in the childfree world. From what I've read you've given so much hope to your students who value your support. Whenever you think of your family's reactions, remember the difference you have made for all of us. <br /><br />Thank you for the insight. I've wondered about the sadness I've felt whenever my brother's 'baby rabies' foams and now I can put an understanding to it.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00194279631079010600noreply@blogger.com