tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post456968538594411245..comments2023-04-04T07:45:48.464-04:00Comments on Childfree Christian: If Something Really Is Worth It, It Goes Without SayingI.am.freehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-12481399913170867732010-08-22T11:31:01.479-04:002010-08-22T11:31:01.479-04:00:D Thanks, Melly. Next time, ask the person why ...:D Thanks, Melly. Next time, ask the person why s/he WANTS kids, and you will probably hear the same kind of "me generation" answers: because it's what I want to do, because it will make me happy/fulfilled, because <b><i>I</i></b> love children, because I want ____. Childfree or not, ultimately we all do what <i>we want</i> to do. (I realize that this is a sweeping generalization and that there are people who prayerfully make real sacrifices out of love for others, but I think that is the exception to our selfish human nature.)I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471958566515922377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-38076450080162677192010-08-22T00:32:50.050-04:002010-08-22T00:32:50.050-04:00I had someone at work tell me that I was part of t...I had someone at work tell me that I was part of the "me generation" so it's all about what "I" want and that's why I don't want kids. Some days, I feel like crying. <br /><br />I love this site, keep writing. Because it's worth it! heheheMelissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02491795869831026753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-42692365119849986642010-08-21T12:30:03.063-04:002010-08-21T12:30:03.063-04:00I think the "it's worth it to me" is...I think the "it's worth it to me" is a good clarification. Not everything is going to be worth it for everyone. We are all different and have different abilities and things we like. I love animals but would have a really hard time fostering them and having to give them up. I think it's outstanding that others are able to do it. My freedom to do things that I couldn't do if I had kids is worth the things I give up by not having them. It wouldn't be worth it for someone else, but for me the sacrifice is worth the benefits. But I could not impose my choices on someone else and their life. We each have to live our own life and live with our own choices. Imposing our choices on others is wrong.twiga92https://www.blogger.com/profile/16751327144782362475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-3545684168201327562010-08-20T20:15:00.464-04:002010-08-20T20:15:00.464-04:00I really enjoyed this post. I have a friend who is...I really enjoyed this post. I have a friend who is constantly fishing for me to justify my actions to her and it drives me crazy. You mentioned home ownership - she thinks I'm nuts for buying a house because of the extra costs involved. I don't feel that it is necessary to explain to her all the benefits, because they seem so obvious to me. I don't want to justify the purchase to her, and I certainly don't ask her to justify her decision to rent an apartment to me. We're in different places in our lives, it makes sense for me to own and her to rent.<br /><br />I love that you foster animals. I would really like to do that but one of my cats can be a psycho vicious killer at times, and my husband doesn't think we'll be able to give them up when the time comes. He's probably right, but I still think about it every time we drive by the shelter and there's a sign begging for foster "parents."<br /><br />I just found this blog and I find it fascinating that you are both childfree and Christian. I was raised in a Mormon community (I've never been a member myself), which I know some other Christian religions wouldn't consider them Christian, but I do. I can't imagine any of my old friends choosing not to have kids. Their families and fellow church-goers would be horrified - some of my classmates got married while they were still in high school and started having babies right away and everyone thought it was just wonderful that they were getting started so young.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06232796917367150497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-28231874741464369882010-08-20T12:28:42.690-04:002010-08-20T12:28:42.690-04:00Thank you for the clarification. I absolutely unde...Thank you for the clarification. I absolutely understand where you're coming from. One time I was talking with a friend who had given birth after infertility treatments. She and her baby had both nearly died, and it was over a year before the baby was out of the woods:<br />Friend: "There's nothing in the world like pregnancy. You HAVE to get pregnant! You'll never have another experience like it in life."<br />Me: "You and Emily almost died. That's not an experience I really want to have."<br />Friend: "But it was so worth it. I'm telling you, you won't regret it if you become pregnant!"<br /><br />I left that conversation knowing that it was worth it to her, and that if I were put in the same situation (she had multiple health problems before the pregnancy) it would not be worth it to me. Heck, normal healthy pregnancy doesn't feel "worth it" to me. I found it irksome and condescending the way she insisted that I would enjoy the experience she enjoyed. This same person went on in future conversations to go on and on about motherhood, how it's the world's greatest calling, no job is as difficult (she would also go on and on about how hers was the most difficult because her child was such a hellion), if you haven't experienced it you haven't lived, blah blah, blah, blah. At the time I was not yet a mother; I stayed at home caring for our rescued animals, helping young mothers when they needed a break, and becoming involved in youth ministry. I had a life, yet she made me feel as though I were a waste of oxygen because I had not birthed and parented a child.<br /><br />So I hear you on the "It's all worth it." For some people having a busy career and not seeing a lot of their kids is all worth it. To me, staying home with mine and homeschooling them is worth it. Trying to convince someone else that your experience will be worth it to them is tiresome and obnoxious.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04102386831601533628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-17409655824475126912010-08-19T19:02:08.967-04:002010-08-19T19:02:08.967-04:00Thanks, Laura. :)
No, I did not mean to imply that...Thanks, Laura. :)<br />No, I did not mean to imply that we should refrain from sharing our struggles with those close to us (or any willing ear, for that matter). I think that every one of us needs some sort of cathartic release to help us through the difficulty of <i>living</i>.<br /><br />I didn't realize it until I read your comment, but I think you really nailed something with your distinction of "it's worth it to ME." It occurred to me that part of my annoyance probably stems from the (not-always-so-subtle) nuances that usually comes with the discussion: "It's so worth it, and there is something terribly wrong with you for not seeing it / you simply MUST join me in this / your life is meaningless and empty if you don't feel the way I do about this."<br /><br />That, and people who complain all the time really irk me, haha.<br /><br />Laura, you make me think. And I like that.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471958566515922377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-15755467165125822672010-08-19T14:12:02.009-04:002010-08-19T14:12:02.009-04:00Thank you for another great post. Certainly someth...Thank you for another great post. Certainly something to chew on. I am curious though, if you mean to convey that it's inappropriate to share your life's struggles with friends, or if you're referring more to casual complaining to whomever will listen about your life (and the choices made therein.)<br /><br />I never hesitate to share my struggles with friends--be those struggles a disagreement with my husband (rare but not impossible), issues of bonding or discipline in adopting older children, or emotional and financial costs involved with raising 5 dogs. That's what close friends are for; to share in joys and difficulties.<br /><br />During these moments with my friends I have often said the "it's worth it" phrase (unless they beat me to it), but I usually phrase it differently...I usually say "It's worth it to me." <br /><br />I do not regret my husband, children, or dogs. All relationships though, come with a little bit of mess attached. I say the "it's worth it" phrase usually as a reminder to myself of my calling that I would not feel complete without (truly I would not feel complete if I had not answered God's calling to marry my husband, adopt my children, or take in my dogs.) It's also a reminder to my friend, that though I am struggling, I am not unappreciative of the beautiful relationships God has placed in my life. <br /><br />I am though careful to say it's worth it to ME. I do not want anyone else to take on the enormous responsibility of marriage, multiple animals, or children, if that is not their calling in life.<br /><br />Once again, an enjoyable post --as usual!Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04102386831601533628noreply@blogger.com