tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post5863389566449624173..comments2023-04-04T07:45:48.464-04:00Comments on Childfree Christian: Reason for Being Childfree, or Just a Fringe Benefit?I.am.freehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-30168924646002238152011-01-23T10:50:05.514-05:002011-01-23T10:50:05.514-05:00RE: children as a blessing
I believe that children...RE: children as a blessing<br />I believe that children can be a blessing for some people. I also believe that God does not bestow the same blessings/gifts on all people (Romans 12:4-8), so that what one person perceives as a blessing might be considered a trial or even a punishment by another person. As an example, I believe my academic abilities and my job are blessings/gifts, for which I have immeasurable gratitude. However, I have lost count of the number of times when I have described my job to someone only to have them contort their face in disgust and horror and blurt out, “Why would you want to do that?!” or “I don’t know how you can stand that!” To many people, teaching what I teach and working with the people I serve is completely unpalatable. They think I must have done something terrible to deserve this “sentence.” My abilities, my job, would not be a blessing to these folks.<br /><br />I do realize that there is a verse in Proverbs about children being a blessing. Proverbs (31) also says that a godly wife buys property, plants vineyards, and sells clothing that she makes. However, I don’t think this means that all married women are meant to be real estate investors/agents, farmers, and fashion designers. We are all given different callings and different gifts.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-48572220858610174452011-01-23T10:21:01.081-05:002011-01-23T10:21:01.081-05:00RE: needy people
As I mentioned in my previous com...RE: needy people<br />As I mentioned in my previous comment, I tend to be fiercely loyal to those close to me. Would I drop a friend, spouse, or family member who was going through tough times? Never. I’ll attempt to clarify my comment by giving two examples of “needy” people.<br /><br />My sister S once had a friend who seemed to be incapable of doing anything on her own. If S bought boot-cut jeans from the Gap, the friend went out and bought the same jeans. If S acquired a purple sweater, her friend needed a purple sweater. If S read such-and-such a book, her friend had to read it too. It was a source of constant frustration for my sister.<br /><br />When I was in high school, I dated a guy who was very insecure. While the strong attachment did go both directions in the relationship, he became extremely clingy -- taking the same classes with me whenever possible, checking in on me between classes, pouting and whining if I had the audacity to spend my morning break with my girlfriends instead of only with him, trying to turn himself into the center of my universe, etc. Being young and ignorant, I put up with this behavior for far too long; it eventually isolated me from my friends.<br /><br />I consider both of the relationships above to be unhealthy, and I hope that I have learned enough lessons from my past to never find myself in such an unhealthy place again.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-11566943422621789372011-01-23T10:01:23.041-05:002011-01-23T10:01:23.041-05:00Liz, thank you for your questions. I will answer ...Liz, thank you for your questions. I will answer them in a few separate comments. In regard to how being an introvert aligns (or not) with Christ’s concern for others…<br /><br />I’m not sure if you have experienced this, but many times I have found myself in the very disheartening and painful situation of people reading my introvert characteristics (solitude, quietness, shyness) as aloofness/unfriendliness. I say this is painful because many introverts, myself included, feel very deep compassion for others and have extremely deep, meaningful relationships with a select group of people -- people to whom we are fiercely loyal and for whom we would do anything. It’s just that we don’t always wear these feelings on our sleeves, and being in the cacophony of a crowd is overwhelming. In fact, there are many times in the Gospels where Christ exhibits these same things (small circle of close friends; need for solitude, e.g. Gethsemane; pulling back from the crowds, e.g. Mark 4), and I have always suspected he may have been an introvert himself.<br /><br />It was not something I wrote about in this particular blog post, but my job as a teacher and department head puts me in an analogous position. All day, every day, I have literally hundreds of people around me demanding things of me… students (about 100 of my own, plus other people’s students) and colleagues alike. I care deeply for all of these people and spend most of my day serving them so that I have come to see my job, though in a secular field, as a ministry. By the time I leave campus, I feel almost completely drained physically and emotionally, hence the need for time alone.<br /><br />In summary, I did not intend to imply that I have no compassion nor that I refuse to do anything for others, but rather that I have limitations on my energy to interact with others.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17438197637317848926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-37705377029217960722011-01-15T10:30:45.752-05:002011-01-15T10:30:45.752-05:00Hi!
Can I ask a question (or two)? I'm genui...Hi!<br /><br />Can I ask a question (or two)? I'm genuinely curious - not trying to be snarky or put you down, I'm just wondering....<br /><br />Do you regard children as a blessing?<br /><br />You say that you don't like being around people and need time alone. I can relate to that, as I'm something of an introvert (ie I draw strength from being alone rather than being with others). But how does that fit with Jesus' concern for people and deep love of others, and the time He had for those in need?<br /><br />You say that you are independent and avoid relationships with those who are 'too needy'. Does that mean you would drop a friend who was widowed suddenly, for example? How would you feel about your husband if he became seriously ill or found himself in a situation where he needed your care? And again, how does that mindset fit with Jesus' concern for the sick, the blind, the lame, the woman who was so starved for affection she had had five husbands?<br /><br />I would love to know what you think!<br /><br />LizMatthewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09896118334677209922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-3299807865033480762010-06-29T10:02:14.362-04:002010-06-29T10:02:14.362-04:00Thank you, Laura. I like the way you described mo...Thank you, Laura. I like the way you described motherhood as a "calling" for you. I wish more people would think so carefully and seriously about such an endeavor.<br /><br />There definitely are some nasty childfree people out there (though there seems to be no shortage of nasty people across <i>all</i> subcultures of society!), but I have been surprised at the number of childfree people I have encountered who really do care about children. I had always assumed that most people who didn't want to have kids were, like me, not too keen on children. But I am meeting more and more teachers, "Big Brothers/Sisters", child sponsors, adoption supporters, doting aunts/uncles, etc., who have no desire to be parents. It has really opened my eyes to the diversity among the childfree.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471958566515922377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-23299214085251014412010-06-28T23:16:47.434-04:002010-06-28T23:16:47.434-04:00I just discovered your blog this evening, and I re...I just discovered your blog this evening, and I really enjoyed this post. We sound a lot alike (unable to handle commotion well, needing signifigant time alone, deep marriage relationship, no desire for preganancy, etc.)the difference is that I am called to motherhood, and it's been an interesting experience meeting my child's and my needs at the same time (not to mention the needs of my hubby, 5 dogs, and rabbit!) I really appreciate that though you aren't called to motherhood, you do have compassion towards orphans, and use your resources to that end (as well as help families who need one another come together.) Many child free people are rather snide on the subject of children, and claim that the hurting children in the world aren't their problem. It's very refreshing to read such a different (and beautiful!) view.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04102386831601533628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-80151876896810117742010-06-10T13:54:40.036-04:002010-06-10T13:54:40.036-04:00~Q, thank you. I am moved by your statement about...~Q, thank you. I am moved by your statement about being called to poverty. I am continually reflecting on how I spend money, what I actually <i>need</i>, and what would please God with regard to my finances; and I'm never sure if I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing in that area of my life. My prayers will be with you as you explore your call.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471958566515922377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-49139413141922161782010-06-05T02:00:43.099-04:002010-06-05T02:00:43.099-04:00Thanks for this. A lot of your reasons ring true f...Thanks for this. A lot of your reasons ring true for me as well - never liked being around kids, never felt the urge to reproduce, feel complete as it is, etc. I also feel called to a life of ministry, and being childfree means I can devote that much more time, money, and attention to the Kingdom. I also feel a call to poverty, and while I haven't figured out exactly what that means, but it would be a lot harder to devote myself to that if I had to worry about providing for kids.<br /><br />It's hard for my husband and I, as we're about the age that all our friends have started having kids... or are trying and finding themselves infertile. We're feeling the pressure, and I find myself wondering, "Am I wrong, here? Do I really want kids after all?" (Even though I've said NO since I was 13!)<br /><br />Anyway, I'm glad this blog is here.~Qhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06737301467430983103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-59442530609470678102010-06-02T09:29:43.954-04:002010-06-02T09:29:43.954-04:00Thank you, everyone, for your comments. I absolut...Thank you, everyone, for your comments. I absolutely love to hear your stories, and it is nice to know I'm not alone.I.am.freehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08471958566515922377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-66253992583123824592010-05-27T23:23:50.637-04:002010-05-27T23:23:50.637-04:00I was not an early articulator but married a man w...I was not an early articulator but married a man who was. I did not want to give birth to children but did want to adopt or foster one or two. I would have to say I fell into the mindset of a postponer. When the time came to decide my husband did not want to be a parent so I had to imagine my life in another way. I embraced the CF life and now volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters and teach children with special needs. I find my role as teacher and mentor very satisfying. I am looking into sponsoring a child but was disappointed with the agency that I had originally signed up with.<br /><br />Thank you for writing such a strong statement on many of the reasons we choose the CF path. As a Christian it has opened more doors and windows for service. Wonderful blog!Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04807756490183953086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-39513792505076193922010-05-21T21:44:05.916-04:002010-05-21T21:44:05.916-04:00Oh, wow, I just discovered your blog and am happy ...Oh, wow, I just discovered your blog and am happy to find yet another childfree person who is also a Christian. We seem to be few and far between it seems. I too knew at an early age that I didn't want to be a mother. Not sure if I had reasons other than I didn't really have a mothering instinct or desire to take care of children. I did my share of babysitting but wasn't all goo-goo/gaga to have one of my own. As an adult I have most assuredly not changed my mind and have become even more sure that I don't want kids and I made the right decision.twiga92https://www.blogger.com/profile/16751327144782362475noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4793956811762673430.post-30016171566711512862010-05-15T21:46:01.785-04:002010-05-15T21:46:01.785-04:00I, too, consider myself an early articulator (told...I, too, consider myself an early articulator (told my German Catholic grandmother when I was about 8 that I didn't want kids — you should have heard THAT set of bingos!), so I'm trying to remember why I initially said it. I think I saw what my mom was going through with being pregnant with my sister at the time and just thought it wasn't for me.<br /><br />I have many reasons for being childfree. Some are hard to explain. I guess I've never REALLY seen myself in the motherhood role, even though when I was very young I assumed it would happen, because it's "what you do." Also, my husband and I both have some family medical issues we don't wish to pass on. Those are my main reasons.<br /><br />Fringe benefits: Last night, we drove 2 hours at 11:30 at night to eat at a 24-hour restaurant we don't have in our town. My job is from 3-midnight and DH's is a 9-5, so when we have time together, it's nice to not have to do what the kids want. We go to one of the least-child-friendly cities, Las Vegas, nearly every year for vacation. I also volunteer for hospice and play roller derby, neither of which I'd have the free time to do if we had kids.<br /><br />The lists go on, but I'll spare you the rest. :-)KWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13870735902288173451noreply@blogger.com