During a discussion with some mom-friends, the topic of
grocery shopping arose and I described what inefficient grocery-shoppers DH and
I are. The gals paused, looked at each
other, and nearly simultaneously blurted out laughingly, “You don’t have kids!”
Though I have frequently observed harried mothers plodding
through the store as their children whined and fidgeted (while I wondered,
“Where are these kids’ fathers to do the shopping or arrange for mom to shop in
peace?!”), it was not until this conversation that I fully realized the luxury
of being able to waste as much time as I please at the grocery store. In fact, I began feeling a little smug about
how much I enjoy my CF-style grocery shopping with DH… leisurely stopping by
the sushi counter for a sample, wandering through the exotic cheeses, dropping
everything at 11pm to venture to the store because we suddenly really want to
make ice cream sundaes, making trips three times a week because we are terrible
at planning ahead (plus, the fresh produce, milk, etc. only keep for so long). Bonus: no pressure to buy chicken nuggets or
juice boxes.
It was certainly something that never entered my mind when I
decided not to have children, but it’s a nice perk and apparently not to be
taken for granted!
I'm in my mid-thirties, like you, Christian, married and child-free. My story is a bit different. Growing up in a very conservative Christian family, it never crossed my mind that a child-free life was a choice or a possibility. I love babies and toddlers, but am not very good around children from the age of about 4 and above. However, I never envisaged a life without children. I always used to wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant and how labour would feel like and thinking of names for babies I might have. Then I met DH. I knew I was in for a quite a ride when I married him, but I had no idea...!!! He made it clear to me right at the outset, that he was not for having children. I took him anyway, because he was and still is, the man of my dreams. I thought I'd change him. But nearly 4 years into our marriage, I now realise that I am the one that has changed. I realize that God has quietly removed my desire(?) to have children. I am happy, at peace and love my life. I get the usual bingoes from family and friends, especially from my mother, who longs and aches to be a grandmother. While I feel for her, I know that I must live the life God has called me to live. When people ask me and I say we don't have kids, their response is always and invariably "Not yet". I then have to tell them, it's not going to be. I have always been a rebel and have always questioned before I accepted or rejected anything. My family thinks that this is just part of my rebellion and that I will outgrow it like I've done before. But this time, they're wrong. It isn't. To go against this would be rebellion.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog. You don't know how relieved I am to have found it and how blessed I am by it. God bless.
Sarah, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your story. When partners don't start out on the same page regarding children, it can lead to a great deal of strife. It is so refreshing to hear about how the two of you have grown together and the joy you have in embracing a childfree life. Take care.
DeleteChildfree grocery shopping is one of the many enjoyable things about my life. When my husband and I go anywhere and see the screaming, whining, begging children, he always says "thank you". Even before I was married, I would see moms having to deal with that and I would always tell myself that I didn't want to be in their position. Chicken nuggets? Gross.
ReplyDeleteYes, my husband and I are always thanking each other too. :)
DeleteI just found your blog...wow, what a blessing! It is tough to find a childfree Christian anywhere. I look forward to being connected with you. I just got bashed, again, tonight by a former classmate, not a believer but thinks childfree people are inconsiderate, rude, arrogant, and selfish. When I said ouch, she just looked at me. Really, at our age, you still act like this?? I am in my early 40's, and have dealt with the 'you hate kids' since I was 20 years old. Funny, cuz my husband and I did youth ministry for 20 years, have helped raise nieces and nephews for about that long as well. I could keep venting, but will just keep it with happy to have found you! =) Blessings!
ReplyDeleteWelcome! Sorry to hear about your experience with the former classmate. More and more, I'm beginning to believe that the most hateful comments come from a place of envy and regret. It has caused me to start reinterpreting those words as a criticism of the choices that person has made and not a reflection of me. It isn't easy (and I fail all the time), but I'm finding that feeling sorry for such people is more soothing (for me, at least) than feeling defensive.
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