I was at a party primarily for adults (there were a few children who had been relegated to another part of the house), and I was surrounded (blissfully) by people without young children: some childfree, some childless, and some parents of teens or adults. One of the mothers brought her 15-year-old daughter whom I’ll call Greta. Poor Greta was looking a little bored from feeling out of place -- a feeling I know all too well -- and since we now know that I like teenagers, I thought I would strike up a conversation with her. I found her to be a sweet, intelligent, and interesting young woman, and I enjoyed bringing her into the conversation.
To my dismay, however, every so often mom would chime in to either answer for Greta or to tell a story about her. For example, I asked Greta what her least favorite subject was at school. She paused to think for a moment, and her mother jumped right in to answer. I listened politely, but then I turned back to Greta to discuss the topic further.
This is a prime example of why I teach college rather than high school. Even though I encounter plenty of helicopter parents, there are still federal laws that support me in working with students and squeezing their intrusive parents out of the picture when appropriate. This situation is also another reason that I don’t want to be a parent: I don’t want to become that kind of person. (Though it isn’t just helicopter parenting. I also don’t want to develop that sense of entitlement, grandiose self-importance, single-mindedness, and self-centeredness that I witness in many parents. I have watched parenthood turn too many decent and interesting people into narcissistic boors.)
But getting back to my topic… If anyone has advice on how to lovingly, politely, and diplomatically let mom know that I want to hear what her daughter has to say, I would love to hear from you.
You might already have gotten or found out any advices by now. I think one can also politely tell a parent that their child is now big enough to answer for themselves. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI find it funny that you feel this way with teenagers. Last time we were at the birthday of a friend couple of us that have two young children, I wasn't in the mood of chatting with the adults. I actually longed for joining the children, although once I went to them I only sat watching them playing. Sometimes I find it more interesting sitting among the children than with the adults. ;-)
Now that you are more into math, I am more into the more creative part. So perhaps this is why the differences, as I like children more than teenagers myself.
Yet, I don't mind any ages when it comes to reaching out and ecouraging others in Christ.
Anyhow; I understand what you are talking about, and have also similiar ways of thinking.