About this Blog

After banging my head in frustration over the obsession everyone around me had with procreation, I went online to find a community of people who were more like me. I have met some fascinating people along the way, but I have also found that many in the childfree community are quite hostile toward Christianity and a Christian world view. I understand that, unfortunately, many of my Christian sisters and brothers have given them a lot of ammunition (undoubtedly, I have been guilty of this at times too). Not wanting to be perceived as "trolling" for expressing my Christian perspective on other people's forums and blogs, I use my own blog to share my musings on childfree life while at the same time expressing my faith.

My intention is to show support to childfree people, both Christian and non-Christian, but from my own Christian perspective. Questions and constructive comments are welcome; negativity and intolerance are not.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Swimming Against The Tide, Part I

I know that a lot of childfree feel at least a small sense of alienation from the rest of the world because of our counter-culture decision not to breed. I have encountered many of us (myself included) whose unconventional attitudes extend beyond family to many other areas of life. In a few of my posts about religion, marriage, and left-handedness, I have described or alluded to feelings of not fitting in. Recently, events have occurred in my life making me feel that not only do I not fit in with a certain group of people, but that I don’t even belong on this friggin’ planet.

While I will probably wait until some other time to blog about those specific events, right now I feel compelled to reflect on why these events hit me so hard and to share a small bit of camaraderie (ironically) with anyone else who feels as alien as I do.

Some of this is in my core personality. Laura Carroll and others have noticed anecdotally that many childfree are introverts. In the article “Revenge of the Introvert,” we read that the style of an introvert is in contrast to “noisy” American culture. We are misunderstood by the extraverts who dominate the culture, sometimes accusing us of poor communications skills, of holding back ideas, or of social awkwardness / shyness. Worse for me, in many settings I actually am socially awkward. All of this makes it hard for me to connect with most people. (I highly recommend that introverts and extraverts alike read this article. For introverts, it might help you verbalize what you already know about yourself; for the extraverts, it might help you understand what goes on in the heads of us introverts. One warning though – unfortunately for me, it also dredged up some old hurts that I have suffered at the hands of extraverts.)

My belief system also plays a role in my isolation. While most of the country seems happy to put themselves in the box of a mainstream political party, of course I have to identify as a Libertarian, putting me at odds with both Democrats and Republicans. Indeed, shortly after President Obama took office, Libertarians were pretty much placed on a Homeland Security watch list as potential terrorists (never mind that Libertarians tend to be pacifists…).  I suppose it’s no wonder that a recent study found that Libertarians tend to be more unhappy than Republicans and Democrats (perhaps also because we are the ones whose eyes are wide open to government trampling on freedom under the guise of “being for the common/collective good” or “upholding America’s moral values”).

And when a patriotic holiday rolls around and I go to the house of God where I am asked to pledge my allegiance to the Republic, and everyone around me is all “yay America,” I wonder if I am the only one who has an issue with the “worship” of the U.S. government? (One of these days on this blog maybe we’ll have a chance to talk about separation of church and state. For now, I have to give a shout out to a Mennonite brother who does a beautiful job articulating his church’s stance on this: “Why I Don’t Sing the ‘Star Spangled Banner.’”)

Even when I’m not trying to be different, I always end up doing my own thing, the opposite of what everyone else is doing. I don’t mean to be so contrary. I don’t want to be all alone. Of course, each of us is unique, and when I feel that I’m the only childfree-Christian-introvert-southpaw-Libertarian-X-Y-Z, someone else could easily say that she is the only Buddhist-Democrat-dermatologist-iguana owner-A-B-C. In that sense, I suppose we are all alone.

And though I like who I am and wouldn’t change a thing -- and I believe that God has sculpted me into the person I am -- I still cannot help but think that life would be so much easier, possibly even happier, if I were just like everyone else.


  1. I don't identify the same as you do on a lot of things (I'm an extroverted, right-handed, non-political-party-identifying-but-sick-of-governmental-posturing, childfree Christian), but I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I wish I were the same as other people in almost any way, but I've been called an iconoclast (in the sense I'm often name-called: "person who attacks settled beliefs or institutions" per the Merriam-Webster) too many times to see that as being any kind of reality. So for now, I'll be glad that God made me into an iconoclast, which may not be the most American thing I can think of, but it definitely seems to be one of the more Christ-like things I can think of.

    Speaking of Christians rah-rah-rahing about America in church (what is up with that?), have you ever listened to the Christian band Five Iron Frenzy? They have a song called "Anthem" that has long resonated with me:

    lyrics: http://www.lyricstime.com/five-iron-frenzy-anthem-lyrics.html (I tried to find one without typos, but they all are pretty much the same.)

    song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXfwnxLNFUg&feature=related

    The chorus of the song says,
    "I can't fall anymore
    for some silver-tongued song:
    Your freedom isn't free,
    so let me say what freedom means to me."

  2. I've never listened to Five Iron Frenzy, but I've heard of them (Relient K sang a song about them). I'll have to check them out; thanks for the links!

    P.S. I have a longstanding love of the word "iconoclast." Good for you! :)

  3. What? You heard Relient K sing,

    "Five Iron Frenzy
    They were good,
    They were good,
    They were really really really good"

    and you didn't then listen to FIF? ;) I'm a bit biased, though, since FIF was my favorite band. Ah, the good ol' days.

    I think we should forgo the "childfree" moniker (and all the negative connotations from the people who can't be childfree and not belligerent about it) and become "no-children iconoclasts" instead.

  4. Blogger really needs a "like" button in the comments section. :)

  5. I feel like I could be reading my own blog! I have really been struggling with pressure from family and friends over my (and my husband's) decision to be child-free. As a person who loves Jesus but also does not want children, voted for Obama *GASP* and is highly introverted, I have a very difficult time connecting with most of American, evangelical Christendom. I feel like an outcast most of the time, but through the process I have learned to trust that "still small voice" inside me that I know is the Holy Spirit directing me. Of course, that doesn't mean that I am unscathed by the judgments of those who insist that I MUST have children to be a "biblical woman". But, I am learning to be stronger and more secure in who I was created to be in the process of dealing with it. Thank you for creating this blog for Christians who want to be child-free. This is exactly what I needed to read today! P.S. Have you checked out the blog, http://www.introvertedchurch.com/? It's all about how the church is generally geared towards extroverts, but can become more sensitive and affirming of the introverts as well.

  6. falfie, thank you for your comments and the link! I'll definitely have to check it out.

  7. well you are not alone. I'am 36, a childfree/Christian-socialist, go figure. I live in California where it hardly rains.

    I i'am very very introverted, so that is probably the main reason for why i don't want o reproduce. I'am ok with who i'am. After all God created me and he knew I would be this way. He loves me and sent Jesus to die for my sins. He has saved me and I belong to him.