I don’t find your child cute.
Some people love looking at baby/toddler pictures or cooing over babies. I’m sorry, I just don’t. I have seen a few pretty babies or toddlers before, but I generally don’t find them cute. Now, show me a picture of a baby animal or walk past me with any sort of cuddly critter, and I’m a pile of mush. But show me a picture of a kid, and you might as well be showing me a photo of a tarantula.
On facebook, it’s easy just to keep scrolling down the page or perhaps hide a baby-obsessed friend’s posts in my newsfeed. In person, I have to make an effort to be kind. When you stuff a stack of photos in my hand, I will smile politely and flip through them. I will find something positive to say… “oh, that’s a cute outfit,” or “what a big smile,” or “this photo is my favorite of the bunch.”
Photos are one thing, but please don’t ask me to hold your baby. Just being near a baby or toddler I feel my heart rate increasing; I fear a panic attack may be imminent. I don’t know why I am so afraid of your offspring, but I am. Maybe it is paedophobia. (Again, think “tarantula.”) I might politely smile at your child, but more likely I will just try to ignore him or her. Please don’t take it personally. Maybe your dog could use some of my attention instead?
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